Friday, March 14, 2008

Top 10 Reasons Going Vegetarian Doesn't Mean You'll Lose Weight

1. Scallion pancakes and faux boneless spare ribs from Veggie Heaven. The first item is fried dough. The second one is animal-free but still slathered in ruby red barbeque sauce, black charred soy skin, and it leaves behind a neon orange grease spot on white paper. Oh, and it has fake fat in it. It's really awesomely, junkily, and spookily delicious.

3. Bread. Especially if you've not gone vegan and the bread is accompanied with butter and cheese. And even if you are vegan, Earth Balance ain't no health food.

4. Fried shrimp in General Tso's sauce at Kingdom of Vegetarians. And fried noodles, moo shu mock chicken, and wonton soup at Golden Empress Garden. Uh, yeah, Chinese takeout was my downfall when I ate meat and it's my downfall now that I don't.

5. Vegan cookies, especially Alternative Baking Company, Liz Lovely, and Brian's mom's oatmeal raisins.

6. Burgers, fries, and shakes at Foodswings. At least you walk it off getting back to the subway station, right?

7. Eating more avocados, more nuts, and more seeds.

8. Coconut milk in curry, coconut milk in your chocolate truffles, licking the coconut cream off your fingers after you open the can of coconut milk.

9. Eating more than the suggested serving size of tofu that is already dripping in oil when you eat from Whole Foods' buffet at 10 pm because you've just gotten out of cookbook writing class, are tired and hungry, and still have to trek back to Jersey. That the buffet is surrounded by the bakery selection doesn't help either. Because you do need dessert, right?

10. Speaking of even more desserts: cupcakes, chocolate, cake, doughnuts--all vegan and vegetarian now. All often very cutely stylized, and absolutely necessary after eating something salty.

So yeah, those are all the reasons I'm still in Weight Watchers and all the reasons I haven't lost any weight since going pescetarian and then vegetarian!
* picture is of me eating my portobello and brie sandwich--courtesy of Johnny Brenda's--at last year's Trenton Avenue Arts Festival.


Sky said...

I heart you. :) That is all.

And, oh yeah, Earth Balance is vegan crack.

Taylor said...

Bread and dessert are the main reason I don't lose weight as a vegetarian. And I won't give them up!