Happy 1 Year Anniversary to Mutual Menu

Mutual Menu turns one year old today and so much has changed in this year. My initial idea for this blog was to document how Brian and I navigated a relationship with him being vegan and me being an omnivore. I thought it would be fun to visit restaurants that would accommodate both of our diets and then write about the experience. I would think of recipes that could work for both chicken and tofu. I’d give tips to other “mixed” couples and groups. I never planned on giving up eating meat and Brian never asked that of me. When we first met, I thought vegetarians were noble but that it would be too hard for me to be one. And vegans? Forget it. I wasn't going to live without cheese.

On June 6, 2007, when I posted for the first time, I had already stopped eating land animals, much to my own surprise. At this point, I started eating more fish than I ever did as an omnivore because it made eating out at restaurants a little easier. More than that, I just wasn't ready to be a vegetarian, mainly because I didn't want my eating habits to be judged by others. As someone with a complicated relationship to food, I just didn't want my food to be even more dissected than it already was, by me or others.

Just about seven months later, I finally decided to stop eating fish. After months of listening to Vegan Freak Radio and Compassionate Cooks' Food for Thought podcasts, reading Veg News and Herbivore Magazine, collecting links to many vegan & vegetarian blogs, and visiting Catskill Animal Sanctuary with Brian, I was finally ready to be a full-fledged vegetarian. Anything less than that was completely hypocritical to me. I wasn't, however, ready to give up eggs and cheese, although I was at least open to the possibility of being vegan. I bought my cage-free, organic eggs knowing it was a meaningless label and tried to buy only rennet-free cheese but still ate whatever cheese I was given when eating out.

Last month, I was eating an egg for breakfast and the same feeling of revulsion I felt while eating roast chicken for the last time came over me again. Without fanfare, without announcing it to anyone, I gave up eating eggs and dairy. I just felt like I was ready to stop.

So, I guess I'm vegan now, though I'm reluctant to say I am. I just don't want to deal with people who don't understand why I would make a choice. I also still remember how enjoyable eating cheese and even meat can be and I worry that one day Brian will find me in a closet injecting cheddar into my veins. I feel like it would be a bigger disappointment to him, myself, and any of you reading to be a big talker and end up failing at this than it would be to just never have gone down this road at all. I'm doing, though, and it's really not nearly as hard to be vegan as I thought it would be.


I have a lot I would love to do with this blog, one being just having more time for it. I work full-time as an editor, have a long commute, and a very nasty case of repetitive strain injury in both arms, so the last thing I need to do when I’m not working is sitting in front of a computer typing. Luckily, having tendinitis/carpal tunnel/arthritis/chronic pain doesn’t interfere with eating!

I've picked some of my favorite posts from this year, starting from recent time and working my way back to earlier days. One of the biggest reasons I've been able to see the world so differently and change my behavior so drastically is because writing about my thoughts and experiences here has allowed those things to happen:

Would You Like Fries With That? Viva Las Vegans, Trenton Avenue Arts Festival, making new friends.

Guest posts by my friends, Sky Chari of Eats Well With Others and Jessie.

Everyone Is A Little Vegan on how many of the foods we already eat are naturally and perfectly vegan.

Mutable Menu I describe my reaction to passing a truck full of pigs on my drive to work.

My Food Resolutions for 2008

Guess Who Has the World's Best Boyfriend? The answer would be me. There's also a quick and simple comforting soup recipe in this post.

Seven Ways to Host a Vegetarian-Friendly Cocktail Party

What Nigella Lawson Said To Me

Baking Power! Even though Brian doesn't post often, this blog is a joint effort. Here he writes about the maple walnut cake we made. It looked like Pac Man.

The Nature of the Beast Another post by Brian on language.

Author, podcaster, cooking instructor, and activist Colleen Patrick-Goudreau sends a lively greeting my way, by way of Sky.

An ode to Summer 2007.

Devising a Mutual Menu is my all-time favorite post because it's the most personal post. It's about my grandfather.

First Mutual Menu Giveaway: Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero

Something I've wanted to do for quite some time on Mutual Menu is have occasional contests where we give away cookbooks and other items we really love. We're finally getting this rolling after being inspired by Vegan Soapbox's Cookbook Giveaway and Elaine Vigneault's post on why blog giveaways are great.

Our first giveaway is a brand new copy of Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World: 75 Dairy-Free Recipes for Cupcakes that Rule by vegan cookbook heavyweights, Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero (they've also co-authored the recent Veganomicon: The Ultimate Vegan Cookbook and Moskowitz created the seminal Vegan with a Vengeance: Over 150 Delicious, Cheap, Animal-Free Recipes That Rock) . Vegan Cupcakes seemed an obvious first choice for many reasons. One, who doesn't love cupcakes? Two, the book is compact, cute, full of scrumptious pictures, and written in a friendly tone. It's also the first vegan cookbook I ever purchased and every creation I've made so far--Golden Vanilla, Apricot-Glazed Almond Cupcakes, and Lychee Cupcakes with Coconut Glaze--has been delicious. Additionally, the book contains many practical tips and troubleshooting for successful cupcake baking so anyone looking to enhance their baking repertoire in general will find much to learn here.

A major deterrent for many when it comes to adopting animal-free eating is the idea that food will not taste good anymore or that some food items, such as baked goods, will be impossible to replicate. I can assure you, you don't need chickens' eggs, cows' milk, and butter to make delectable cakes, cookies, pies, and other treats. Vegan Cupcakes is a testament to this fact.

Brian and I bought this book on Sunday at Robin's Bookstore in Philadelphia, which was one of the places we went to on our first date. It was in Robin's where I first realized I was going to know Brian for a very, very long time.

OK, back to the book, we will pick one person at random and send the cookbook to them. To enter the giveaway, just leave one comment to this post (be sure to include your e-mail address when signing on to comment). Entries will close on May 12, 2008. Unfortunately, to keep shipping costs down and post office visits short, we can only ship the book to those in the USA. Depending on how the first giveaway goes, we may, however, open up later contests to other countries.

Visit The Post Punk Kitchen for recipes and community. Visit Robin's Bookstore and buy some books. Visit Vegan Soapbox and enter their cookbook giveaway too. Please do spread the word and invite others to enter and read as well.

*Picture courtesy of The Post Punk Kitchen.

Serving One...With a Cold

Is it cold season already? Apparently so because I have one. I know you can get colds anytime of year but it just doesn't seem right to have one before sweater weather. I spent my Labor Day weekend with Brian and his family and friends, sneezing lots and sniffling. It wasn't until Sunday evening that I really began to feel terrible. I felt achey and feverish and the air conditioned supermarket seemed colder than usual, causing me to shiver. I don't get too hungry when I'm sick but I do crave a few staples: bread, cheese, noodle-y and brothy soup, farina. Here are two recipes to refer to when you're feeling a bit under the weather or just need something soothing and smooth to put in your stomach.

Soothing Tortellini-Broccolini Soup
Adapted from Serves One by Toni Lydecker, a very thorough cookbook with a warm, engaging tone about cooking for one. I usually cook only for myself and highly recommend it. I love broccolini, which comes in small batches, making it somehow seem more manageable at the end of a workday than does broccoli. So of course I would prefer it when cooking for a cold. For the broth, I use Pacific Natural Foods organic broth, which comes in handy 1 cup 4-packs, also perfect for cooking for one. Measurements are suggestions rather than hard and fast rules. Add more carrots if you like or omit them entirely. You could also add a large handful or two or frozen baby peas, asparagus, or onions that have been lightly sauteed in some olive oil.

1 clove garlic
1 cup canned lower-sodium vegetable broth
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup fresh or frozen cheese or vegan tortellini
1/2 cup chopped broccolini
1/4 cup thin carrot slices
salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
grated Parmigiano-Reggiano or Pecorino Romano cheese (optional)
small handful of whole-grain crackers (optional)

1. Thinly slice the garlic clove lengthwise and then cut into slivers. Combine broth, water, and garlic in saucepan. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium and simmer 5 minutes.

2. Add tortellini, broccolini, and carrot and cook a few minutes longer, until vegetables are tender. Season with salt and pepper. Sprinkle with cheese or cracker crumbles. Retire to bed or the couch. Serves 1.

Cuca's Farina
My grandmother, Cuca, often made farina for me. She added a special touch by laying little blocks of cheese in a circle around my steaming bowl of farina. I would circle my spoon around the melted cheese and continue to circle around the bowl until it was empty. Since my grandmother left behind no written recipes, this is more my interpretation of a memory from long ago rather than a strict reenactment. I can assure you that hers was better but this isn't bad either. I must admit, 1% or 2%, if not regular, cow's milk works best here. The fat makes it ultra creamy. But vanilla soy milk doesn't hurt. It's just not quite as rich. I haven't had much luck heating rice or almond milk but if you do, go for it.

Boil 1 cup of milk with a stick or two of cinnamon and a pinch of salt. Watch very carefully as it boils, stirring frequently. Once cow's milk begins to boil, it takes only a second of turning away from it for the milk to boil over completely and then burn (although my grandmother did slightly burn the milk on purpose in preparation for adding it to her coffee since the brief scorching adding a caramel undertone to the milk). Add 3 tablespoons of farina/cream of wheat, stirring well. Add 1 tablespoon of maple syrup, 1 teaspoon of walnut oil (or butter or Earth Balance or no extra fat at all), and a sprinkling of cinnamon and nutmeg. Bring to a gentle boil again and lower heat, continuing to stir frequently for a few minutes or until the farina thickens. Add 1/4 cup of trail mix (walnuts, cashews, raisins, dates, sunflower seeds etc.) and stir before eating.

Random Fridays: Get Out Your Doc Martens and Start a Podcast

I realize that my recent posts have been essay-like mutterings on my simultaneous guilt over and desire for meat. I promise to offer more recipes and tips on assembling easy meals for multuple palates and principles very soon, as that was and is my primary purpose in launching Mutual Menu with Brian. I do think it is, however, pertinent to express my own ethical struggles with food choices since creating this blog was the biggest impetus for my considering vegetarianism. It was when I sat around thinking about how to talk about "humane" meat that I questioned whether any meat can be truly humane (my final vote: no..although, my deepest apologies, as always, to the fish I still eat). So, yes, my thinking and all the changes and questions that come along with it will be apart of this discussion. Since we'e having that BBQ on Saturday to honor my grandfather, it will provide me with the opportunity to share some real-life, from the trenches tips and tales on how people can actual make their menus inviting to all of their loved ones.

Until then, here are some random things I have been poking into and loving this week:

* 120 Minutes Aggregator contains mostly You Tube videos from bands I used to watch at midnight every Sunday night on MTV's 120 Minutes when I was 15 years old: Hole, Throwing Muses, Belly, Velocity Girl, Liz Phair, PJ Harvey, the Smiths, Morrissey, the Jesus and Mary Chain, Sonic Youth, Shonen Knife, Juliana Hatfield. I have spent quite a few hours with my headsets on this week, listening to the songs while the videos play, wondering where my back issues of Sassy and Doc Martens are (note: anyone interested in back issues of Sassy should get in touch. I have two copies of each issue from years of Sassy because, in addition to my own collection, I found a mint-condition batch ready to be recycled. I've wanted to get rid of the extras for years but am too lazy to eBay. Any takers?).

* Podcasts: I know I'm about a century late but just this week was when I discovered how much I love them. Favorites include Food for Thought, Vegan Freaks (they'd hate me as I'm "NOT VEGAN! and they're snotty but funny), The Dawn and Drew Show, which is too hilarious to listen to at work. I guffaw about every two minutes. Please share any podcasts you like. I want more.

* Wendy Williams: This is an oldie but goodie for me but I've got to share the love. She is the only thing that makes my evening commute somewhat bearable. She's all about the gossip and giving out pretty solid advice to some often very stupid people ("I"m just a woman from the suburbs with an opinion. I'm not an expert.") As Wendy herself would say, she is a total friend in my head. When I saw her at a book signing last year, she wore a tight leopard print dress and a diamond-encrusted Hello Kitty necklace. Uh, yeah. Love her.

* Dried mango strips. The perfect afternoon pick me up for when energy is failing and hunger is winning. And wow, they're vegan and sweeten.

Home Base, Not Ham Base

Veterans Stadium implosion photo courtesy of The Tribune.

The latest issue of the Philadelphia Weekly has brought to my attention some exciting news about PETA's impression of a veggie-friendly City of Brotherly Love and Sisterly Affection (courtesy of the author of the Philadelphia Will Do blog). No longer the general locale of the former architectural monstrosity that was once Veterans Stadium, Citizens Bank Park offers a highly-social baseball institution with an old-fashioned feel and Philly neighborhood themes. Even better---as PETA noted---"The Bank" hosts eateries with actual vegetarian selections. Mock meat at a major Philadelphia cultural attraction like a sports venue is just plain rare.

I'm not a Phillies Phanatic like some. Actually, I'm not really into sports at all. I just enjoy going to ball games to celebrate the social summer element of gathering together with other people to yell and eat. Next Tuesday, I'll be joining my mom (sadly, not Joselle and my brother Johnny) for a work-sponsored event with the hometown team; something my mom, brother, and I've done for the past two years since The Bank opened. We get free food vouchers, which is the only reason I had any previous knowledge about the vegan burger options available. And Joselle can vouch for me that I'll certainly be seeking out the mock steak!

If you're at the game in Philly on Tuesday, keep an eye on the jumbotron to see me stuffing my face and immitating the renowned Harry Kalas: "That ball is outtttttaaaaaa here!!!"

Devising a Mutual Menu

In honor of what would have been my grandfather's 89th birthday this coming Thursday, my family and I are having a casual barbeque on Saturday. The last time we had a backyard cookout for my grampa was in 2005. I didn't know that that would be the last birthday party I would be able to throw for him, the last chance to make him a cake. On April 1 of this year, he died. I am incredibly grateful that I was able to be with him throughout his hospitalization with heart disease and during his actual very last breaths. I am very grateful that Brian and my closest friends were all there for me and my grandfather throughout those trials too. I seem to be more prone to crying now than in the first few weeks after his death. The fact that his birthday is three days away, that it will be the first time in my life I don't get to buy him a card and wish him a happy birthday hasn't entirely hit me. Still, it seems fitting to get together to eat and share time with my loved ones in his memory.

The greatest mark of my grandfather's illness to me wasn't so much his actual hospitalization or even the two known heart attacks he suffered. It was his drastic weight loss and muscle wasting. It was the fact that he stopped eating, stopped getting hungry, stopped being able to taste and enjoy food. That to me seemed the cruelest blow of all. I'd seen him in the hospital before and his heart failure and hypertension had become a part of him that had, for years, been so seemingly well-managed by medication that they became almost incidental. Surmountable, even. But not eating? He loved to eat. That was taken away from him.

As a former cook in the army, he also knew how to cook. As the years went on, his concoctions became questionable, and often unrecognizable as any familiar food item, but I remember his pizza, fried fish, coconut ice cubes. My grandmother, however, loomed larger in the shaping of my food history. She was one of Those grandmothers, the kind who baked delicious cakes without ever referring to a recipe. When I wanted a snack, she'd make me fried chicken. She got me to eat beans--a hated food as a child--with her arroz con gandules, which I nicknamed vitamin rice because the pigeon peas looked like little pills. But the remeberance of my grandmother is more like myth. Maybe she did use recipes and measuring cups but I just don't remember. My grandfather, though, was real. I watched him cook everyday for years (and then I watched him stop cooking). I watched him read the greasy Betty Crocker cookbook when he was bored and then, hours later, he would have made a pear upside down cake. My grandfather didn't care if he didn't have half the ingredients called for. He'd just make whatever. So pineapple turned to pear and sometimes he wouldn't even use flour. Not if he had Bisquick or corn meal instead.

Earlier this year, to watch him turn away from food when I had always watched him turn towards it--first by feeding me, then by feeding my grandmother when she stopped cooking a few years before she died, and then finally for our dog, who he always cooked for--was so frustrating and incomprehensible. I didn't understand. I just thought if we could make him eat, he'd come back home. He's so weak and skinny, he's not rebounding, that's what I heard. So, I'll just make him eat. I made him coconut rice pudding, bought him soup and cakes. All I had to do was bring food, make him eat it, and he would get better. But he never wanted to eat. The biggest conflicts in the hospital were about getting him to eat. Every day my mother, the nurses and doctors, and I would try, tell him why he needed to eat. He would just get so angry. I suppose the only thing worse than losing the will to eat is having everyone bug you about why you should eat. In fact, my last interaction with my grandfather before he really started dying was me finally getting him to drink some Gatorade and bickering over the jello cup he didn't want.

Despite all of that, it doesn't seem strange at all to eat in his honor. He spent most of his life doing it anyway. The one feature, no matter one's religion or background, that seems to be common after any death is the bringing of food from friends and neighbors. You eat after someone dies. Or else someone tries to get you to eat. I guess there are two ways to grieve: eat or don't eat. I eat. The first thing I wanted to read after my grandfather died was the introduction to the "Funeral" chapter in Nigella Lawson's Feast. And the first thing I wanted to make was the marble cake in that chapter. Baking tied and ties me to my grandparents. It may seem cruel, or at least like some kind of denial, to bake a cake and eat it after someone dies. Yet food is what keeps everyone going. How can you go on after someone you love has died is the question Lawson brings up in the chapter. But that's what death is. It's not just someone dying and leaving you. It's you having to keep going on without them.

Yesterday, Brian called me while I was at Wegman's, shopping for the week and picking up a few items for the barbeque. I told him about my friend's husband who only eats halal meat so I'll have to get fish for him (and me). And no pork in the arroz con gandules so Brian and the Guls, who are Muslim, and I can eat it. Let's try not to mix up the ribs with the veggie dogs when grilling. Oh, and do you want me to make grilled eggplant sandwiches with vegan red pepper aioli? You know, a break from Morningstar Farms? Brian laughed as I told him all of this, saying it really was a mutual menu and how our conversation should be my next post. When I started writing, I didn't anticipate getting into so much detail about my grandfather and death in general and how all of that is so tied to food (everything is tied to food for me). But I guess I just really needed to talk about all of that.

Skeletons in the Closet

No one's perfect. As The Lazy Vegan brings to light, even the most pious of vegans/vegetarians are faced with hardships in our daily choices. I've been vegan now for about a decade, and continue to face the dilemma of when to say when. Which fights are really worth fighting, especially when you're also a pacifist who's tired of defending his passion for said fighting?

The fact remains that I have a violent, bloody history---and there are times when part of me misses it. My mom's cheesteaks were champions. Even better, Double Whoppers with cheese, sides of onion rings, and chocolate milkshakes were a frequent favorite at the Burger King in my neighborhood (and every neighborhood I encountered, for that matter). And, like most Philadelphians, Tastykakes were an obsession (it was not uncommon for me to stuff my face with two-for-a-dollar Tasty-Klair pies). Ah, the memories!

Am I proud that I perpetuated a consumerism of gluttony and greed for the sake of filling my adolescent gut? No. Am I happy to have gained an omnivore's perspective on the human diet to better inform my eating into the future? Definitely.

Wow, my eyes are misting over with nostalgia as I continue to stuff my lunchtime face. That part hasn't changed. What has changed is the sloppy goodness between my slabs of bread; still meat-like, but much more friendly to one and all.